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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 1:49:14 GMT -5
"It would be nice to die. Sometimes I wonder why I live." Heikki replies to that. "I think you expect too much of Zivon."
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 1:51:16 GMT -5
"I don't know what you're talking about. Expect too much? I expect to be treated like a human being, not some gutter trash. That isn't too much."
"Maybe you expect too little."
"I don't care, I am going to light up anyway. What are they going to do about it?"
I light up and exhale. I close my eyes and feel a little better.
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 1:56:04 GMT -5
Heikki considers what she said. "Zivon isn't like us. We are just.. too human. We follow that which we were raised to follow. We challenge some truths, but we can not peel away human emotion and attachment. We haven't crossed over. Someday, all people will be like him. We will come and go as well please. Say and do whatever we want. There will be no such thing as value, and the whole operation of life will be unimaginably different. That's what we'll be like. Zivon..I really admire him. He is so much better than the rest of us." Heikki replies then looks down shyly.
"I would do anything that he says. I would kill myself if he asked me to. That's how much I believe in him."
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 2:00:45 GMT -5
"That's really creepy."
"You aren't supposed to have heros, idols, gods or whatever anyway. I don't. But I still have feelings. I don't think humans will ever get the point. We're just dumb."
"Yes, we are always going to be the same but in a different way."
"The best we can hope for is that we blow ourselves up and end this humiliation we call life."
I cross my legs.
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 2:14:39 GMT -5
"I don't idealize or worship him. I just see him as an example of something we should all strive to be. He is above all moral values and ideals. And because of that, he has a powerful personality. I can't help but feel that I am his inferior. He really...is above all of us." Heikki replies.
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 2:16:22 GMT -5
"Whatever you think."
I lay down on my bed and face Heikki.
"Lay down with me."
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 2:17:22 GMT -5
"I don't think the staff would appreciate that. I am sorry. I just stopped by to see how you are doing. I didn't think you would have many visitors."
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 2:18:13 GMT -5
"I don't care about the staff. What are they going to do? Kick me out? Well, good, then I can get on with my life."
"Stop being such a chicken shit."
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 2:19:12 GMT -5
"But..I'm not attracted to you. We are barely even friends."
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 2:20:16 GMT -5
"I'm not asking you to marry me, I don't care if you like me or not. I just want to be by someone. You give yourself too much credit, really."
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 2:23:05 GMT -5
"I suppose I could...it would be a little strange, but I don't want to go back anyway. I guess. I don't know. I don't know." Heikki says shaking his head. He doesn't know what to do. Seeing her was a mistake, but he would feel cruel if he left. She did recently attempt to kill herself. "Okay... I guess."
He sits down, and hugging the wall the best he can, lays somewhat near her, but without touching her.
"You're really strange. But whatever makes you happier."
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Post by dariya on Jun 14, 2005 2:25:24 GMT -5
I could probably tell him to do anything and he would go along with it. The guy has like, no self esteem.
I move close to him and wrap my arms and legs around him. "If I wasn't stuck in this place I would ask you to screw me, but whatever. Maybe next time."
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Post by Heikki Toivonen on Jun 14, 2005 2:28:13 GMT -5
"Why would I do that?" He asks, but let's it drop. He doesn't want to ask anymore questions and regrets agreeing to this. Since it isn't often that people touch him, he is both a little frightened and excited by her. He thinks about certain people that he has cared about. But then he decides it is better not to follow that train of thought and thinks instead about sad things like his mother's funeral. He closes his eyes and forces himself to sleep.
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Post by Valodya Bassarov on Jun 14, 2005 8:05:01 GMT -5
"Yes, they are still letting people into the country. Things are still rather tense." Bassarov replies to Katrina.
"Anyway, this is where the action is so you should come. And I haven't seen you in so long I won't recognize you if we are apart much longer."
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Post by Kaschei Bessmertny on Jun 14, 2005 8:16:49 GMT -5
"Fetch me a dish of rasberries, Maria. And no, these are not the eggs I have been searching for, but they are a lovely addition to my collection none the less." Kaschei replies admiring the eggs.
"Some day I will find the ones I am searching for. But until then, collecting these eggs and caring for their display calms my mind and eases my temper."
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